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Funny Unix Commands

% cat "food in cans"
cat: can't open food in cans

% nice man woman
No manual entry for woman.

% rm God
rm: God nonexistent

% ar t God
ar: God does not exist]

% ar r God
ar: creating God

% "How would you rate George Bush's incompetence?
Unmatched ".

% [Where is Jimmy Hoffa?
Missing ].

% ^How did the sex change operation go? ^
Modifier failed.

% If I had a ( for every $ the Congress spent, what would I have?
Too many ('s.

% make love
Make: Don't know how to make love. Stop.

% sleep with me
bad character

% got a light?
No match.

% man: why did you get a divorce? man::
Too many arguments.

% !:say, what is saccharine?
Bad substitute.

% %blow
%blow: No such job.

$ PATH=pretending!/usr/ucb/which sense
no sense in pretending!

Have You Tried Infrared Saunas Yet ?

If you didn't then you should. Infrared saunas are good for:

• detoxification
• pain relief
• weight loss
• cardiovascular health
• stress relief and relaxation
• beautification of skin
• tissue elasticity
• chronic inner ear infections
• sunburns

And many more. I think the most important one is that it's good for cancer: infrared therapy can help stimulate the body's immune system by elevating body temperature. Many viruses, bacteria and tumor cells are thought to have poor tolerance to heat compared to normal healthy cells. A 30 minute infrared sauna session can cause a temporary 3 degrees increase in body temperature. This increase has been shown to stimulate white blood cells which may improve your body's immune system. Given the human body's effectiveness in fighting disease by inducing a fever, an infrared sauna can assist the body in the fight of various diseases.

You can get your own far infrared sauna from West Coast Saunas.
West Coast Saunas has been committed to providing superior Far Infrared Saunas in the United States and Canada. We specialize in defining a healthier lifestyle through our state-of-the-art heat therapy.

20 Things Programmers Say When Something Is Not Working

20. That's weird....

19. It's never done that before.

18. It worked yesterday.

17. How is that possible?

16. It must be a hardware problem.

15. What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?

14. There is something funky in your data. OR It's a data problem, not a program problem.

13. I haven't touched that module in weeks!

12. You must have the wrong version.

11. It's just some unlucky coincidence.

10. I can't test everything!

9. THIS can't be the source of THAT.

8. It works, but it hasn't been tested.

7. Somebody must have changed my code.

6. Did you check for a virus on your system?

5. Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?

4. You can't use that version on your system.

3. Why do you want to do it that way?

2. Where were you when the program blew up?

And the Number One Thing Programmers Say When Their Programs Don't Work:

1. It works on my machine.